People always are kind in complimenting me here for keeping my journey real….
It is real….frustrating, fun, joyful, down in the dirt, ugly, struggling, wonderful, silly, ups and downs, height points, beating on myself, patting myself on the back, stressful, yeah…… REAL!
First off…. you have to accept that. I did. It took me a long time to realize that. This wasn’t going to be some six month thing and WHAM! You are cured! And you live happily ever after.
Well, maybe the happily ever after part… eventually, ha ha…… but it definitely is not some quick fix. It’s not just you struggling along. I have to work at this too, not one day, but every single day this is a battle for me. And some days, granted, are easier and other days, I just want to chuck the whole idea, and forget it. But, I can’t. I have come too far to do that.
Perfect example? Yesterday! Ughhhhhhhhhh…….. I am still obsessing about it and will be for a long time. That’s how I am.
So, technically yesterday, started Friday night. I had an all day conference for school. It was a long day, at the Science center, and knowing they were “providing” lunch, I erred on the side of caution and packed my own. It was a yummy salad, but I didn’t put any protein in it, hey, it’s Lent and I am about as Catholic as a person can be, and I forgot any tuna, etc. I did fine all day, but then we got back late and I had to fly to my second job.
When I got to the store, I was beyond ravenous. And then I did the total unthinkable, forgot it was Lent and got a piece of cooked chicken. I pulled all the skin off, and ate the breast meat, and then I remembered….. I am going to Hell…. well, probably not really but the Catholic guilt sure kicked in. I spent most of the night, beating on myself.
Saturday comes and I know I have a full day ahead. I have to work at the store, and then I have to go back to school for a fundraiser, a …..yes you are reading it right, Baked good sale, to coincide with a huge sweepstakes raffle. I packed a bag with clothes to change and then off I went to work clicking off things in my head. Yes, I put table cloths, utensils and napkins in the box, gave my partner teacher change to begin the night….. LUNCH! I forgot my lunch. Ughhhhhhhhhhh…… Chris, you have to slowwwwww down.
It was a physically hard day at the store. I had a few big screen TV’s to move, some shelving, cat litter ….. containers and containers of cat litter and this humongous basketball portable thingy…. my back was sore. Lunch time comes and I am ready to eat anything in site…… I get a prepared salad, and yes, it had stuff I could pick out of it and not eat. Best choice? Hardly…. worst choice? Absolutely not. Memo in my mind, take extra supplements because my lips were burning and I know that is the preservatives.
So, after my shift, I grab my bag and head to school. Thankfully my sweet partner, Julie, and some great moms from my class had the table all set. Let me tell you, these moms out did themselves this year. The table looked like something out of a bakery, with fancy desserts. The security guard told me that it was the finest he had ever seen. I changed my clothes and I was soooooo sore from all day, but I helped as much as I could. I was really uncomfortable.
However, the problem was what?? I was hungry…. and I am surrounded by sugar. I seriously had to walk away a few times, because I was ready to grab anything. No options and totally unprepared. Too much temptation, and I had to walk away.
Of course, Sunday is the day, I check my weight and the scale is up some, of course it is. Did you hear that yelling that sounded like it was coming from the South Buffalo area? That was me. Frustration. Annoyed with myself because I feel like I should do something different. Like it’s my fault. Sighhhhhh
And I tell you all this, my sweet follower friends, because it isn’t just you! I promise it isn’t! Every day, it’s all a struggle….. but I do have one thing that you might not have. I have Dr. Jack. And Dr. Jack will explain it all, have a plan, and take my frustration and turn it into something I can use that is positive. He won’t sugar coat it, pardon the silly in that sentence.
If he thinks I am not doing what I am supposed to he is honest enough to tell it like it is. I count on that. I need strong, and I need honest, and yet I need someone holding my hand, patient, and kind. I need someone who knows what they are doing. I need someone who is good at difficult cases, who understands my busy life. He is all of those things… and I am so grateful to have his help, especially on days like today.
Keeping it real!
Hugs,
Chris