Isn’t that a funny title for a blog about Hashimoto’s disease? Lol…..
The fact is, I found out yesterday, I am a garbage collector. Who taught me that? The man who teaches me all kinds of things that have nothing to do with food and yet everything to do with the aspects of my life that are holding me up, Dr. Jack. He is an amazing doctor, in every facet of that word, interested in helping people get healthy in every single way they can.
After an interesting few weeks, yeah, interesting, that’s a great word for it and come to think of it, more like months! I am trying to use less negative words. Anyway, I, once again, find my weight standing on the same number. It isn’t that I eat poorly, or sneak in treats, it’s all the other pieces of the pie that is good health. And one of them, a huggggggeeeeeeee one, was pointed out to me yesterday, in a quiet unassuming kind of way.
After I got finished working with one of my tutoring students, I was on my way to job two and I got a text from Dr. Jack. I usually text him about two million questions but rarely in reverse, so my curious nature kicked in. It was a link for a Facebook video. I parked my car, opened it, it was a video link. I watched the video, and apparently it hit me pretty deep because the sting of tears came to my eyes immediately. I watched it again…… and again…… and again….. andddddd again…. I watched it when I got home, I watched it this morning when I woke up. I was meeting a new tutoring student and while waiting. I watched it some more. I will be watching it again, over and over and over.
https://www.facebook.com/MeirKay/videos/827278564077447/
I put it on my Facebook page so as not to lose it. Every time I watch it, all I kept thinking is how well Dr. Jack knows me. Wow…… I am a garbage collector. I have been one most of my life. I sat thinking for a long time about that. The video is me…. allllllllll the time.
I am one of those people that others feel it’s okay to just dump their trash on. That’s the price for being too nice sometimes. People are spewing their junk, dropping it on the road in front of me, and rather thank smile and wave, I feel this incessant need to clean it up. Not just clean it….. To collect it, and carry it around with me. To own it, even though it isn’t my trash! It becomes a part of me, I hold it, I think about it, and I can’t seem to stop thinking about it!
I have been doing that for as long as I can remember. Anyone who is critical of me? they dump their garbage and I dutifully collect it. I accept what they believe as Gospel truth of who and what I am. They can be 120% wrong and yet I start looking at myself and questioning myself. They dump their negativity at my feet and rather than shrug it off, I am out there picking it all up and carrying it. And you know what? This pile of junk is getting terribly heavy.
Hello!!!! Stop doing that!! Is that holding up my plateau? Of course it is! It a bunch of other things. I carry so much of that, I can’t sleep. I wake up with nightmares, I feel tired….. and I know, I just know that I can’t be the only one. You know what garbage collecting does? I can tell you in the one word email I got from Dr. Jack this week…..Cortisol….. fat storing hormone,,,,,
After watching that video a bazillion times, I went into my second job, and it really hit me just how easily I do that. Like I am a professional garbage collector! I encountered several people last night, dumping their trash and my inclination was to quickly apologize and make it better by taking on their stuff. For what?? I didn’t do anything….. I wanted to pick it up. After all, if they think I am being incompetent then I must be, right? Some tried hard to push their stuff at me, passive aggressive people. And I felt as though I was fighting hard to not let in their negativity. Like the video said….. how am I reacting? Wow….. what a huge enourmous gigantic lesson!!
I am a superior garbage collector. I have to stop. I know I need to. That circle of health I am so desperately trying to fix will never be right until I do. And I am so grateful, that I have a doctor willing to step up and tell me straight up what I need to do to change my health for the better.