I have been off of school this week. I brought home tons of school work. Didn’t complete even half of what I thought I could do. That’s a terrible habit of mine, expecting limitless time and energy from myself, almost superhuman. I don’t expect it from anyone else.
It’s a hard time of year for me, as a teacher and it is winding up to real Mayhem (my little joke of how I call the month of May, Mayhem).
It has been an interesting week of changes though, changes not visible to other people but definitely changes inside. It started on Tuesday when I had my weekly phone check in with Dr. Jack. It started out as usual, with me asking a few questions. But suddenly Dr. Jack was talking and I was sitting there with my pencil writing furiously. He was saying thing after thing and I don’t know how else to describe it except it was a life changing moment. And one that continued through the week.
I don’t want to share all of it, because it’s all kind of … well, personal….. suffice to say, I was glad he couldn’t see my face. He was completely kind as he always is. Dr. Jack is a very compassionate person, but he is also completely honest, and the things he was saying brought tears that were dripping out my eyes. If he was across from me, he night have thought he had done something wrong and he should stop. I didn’t want him to stop. He has opened a huge door and I wanted him to keep going. I felt like a huge weight had been taken off me one thing at a time.
I swear it feels like he can see things that I try so hard to hide away from the world, and suddenly he is in my head, and we are looking at things I try to keep hidden. He is always far inside my comfort zone but it’s kind of like spring cleaning. He is in there throwing out junk…. It’s unsettling, but in a great way!
When our phone call was done, I just sat in the chair, staring. I read over the notes I scribbled and could not stop thinking about what he had said. And with each time I read it, I felt like more weight was lifted. I was so tired after….
The next morning I was still thinking about what he said, I keep on thinking about it, like every day…Over and over and over…. so I took all the phrases he used and made an 8.5 by 11 sheet of them. I taped them to my bedroom mirror so every morning and every night, there they will be …. in my face, reminding me where we came from, and where we are going, what things I still need to do that will help my health.
I am not sure which one of those phrases was the key that unlocked the big door of reality, but one of them was! Because ever since then? I feel different inside. Kind of like an emotional detox.
Then, later in the week, we had an email conversation that was even more emotionally detoxing. My goodness….. I feel a hundred pounds lighter, filled with an interesting feeling I almost forgot… Peace! Inside I feel at peace.
Ever since? I have been sleeping like a baby, and feeling like a whole new me. I am so blessed that I have Dr. Jack…… so truly blessed. I never, ever, everrrrrrrrrr take that for granted. I am so grateful to have someone who is brave enough to really help me take my health to a level it has never been!