Losing Louie….

We lost Louie….  he has gone to heaven to be with Shannon.

For those of you who have followed my life forever,  no this isn’t about my Hashimoto’s Disease, but it is about the stress In it…. including losing Louie…..

We lost Louie… Louie wasn’t supposed to go yet.  We weren’t ready.   Louie was Shannon’s cat, who came to live with Joey and I, when Shannon moved in last October.     He came with all her other pets, a lion mane rabbit named, Gizzy, Bentley the bearded dragon and Eli, a sweet guinea pig.    They all came…..

Louie was quite an old man already when he arrived.   His first day was spent under Joey’s bed, but little by little he got accustomed to living with us.   Shannon’s mom was unable to take Louie to her new apartment and he was so bonded with Joey and Shannon that it was the best move for him.  And I didn’t mind.  After all, she and Joey took care of all the animals, and I didn’t need to do anything for them.

Louie and I got acquainted little by little.  It started with him just staring at me while I talked.  Then we moved to him jumping on my chair to sit next to me, and then… well…. I fell in love with him.   And suddenly, our relationship was as if we were old friends.   He was not much of a lap cat.  But what he did do was sit on the arm of the chair and while I talked, he listened to me.   Gradually, whether he understood me or instinctively started to understand the tone of my voice, as I talked he would place his paw on my arm, as if he were an old friend, concerned about me.

It didn’t take Louie long to figure out that I was the mom at the house, the first one out of bed.  He never came into my room but sat at my door and meowed for his breakfast.   I would get up and feed him before showering for work, up until Shannon died.  On that day, he decided that he was the dad of all creatures.   He would come in my room, jump up on my bed, and lay his paw on my shoulder and gently meow to me until I woke up.   I would get out of bed, get his food, but he was always a gentleman.  He would not touch a mouthful unless I walked down the hall to feed the other furry creatures.  He accepted that I was unwilling to feed the bearded dragon, and such was our agreement.

 

When I came home, Louie would run for the door to greet me, often begging me for treats as payment for what I called, “his job,” which was to guard the house and mind the other creatures.   This was a job he took seriously, often perched on his window seat that Shannon had bought for him.   I rewarded him with a few treats, or his favorite Chicken and Cheese food once in awhile.   And he rewarded me with his kind eyes and sympathetic ears.  Our relationship grew and grew.

Louie would half sit on my lap and let me pet him, talking to him all the time.   We would play.   Often it was with his three favorite toys, boxes, some string and one of my Norwex dryer balls, that he loved to play with.   He followed me around and I always had to be careful even coming out of the bathroom as he waited for me.   Well, at least until he saw Joey!  Joey was by far his favorite at our house.    If he saw his car pull up, he was at the door.   Snuggling every night on the couch was his favorite time.   And if Cathy came to visit?  That was truly a happy day.   Everything was perfect, until last week….

Toward the end of last week, I noticed that Louie was not eating his usual volume of food, nor was he asking for a single treat.   And then his water intake went down too.    Cathy came by and noticed that he seemed more thin.  I knew he liked a different variety of food at one time, so I switched his food, but his appetite did not increase significantly.   And after waiting a few days, we decided a trip to the vet was in order.

Joey was working and I didn’t want Cathy to go alone, so I took off a few hours from my teaching job, and cancelled all my evening tutoring kids.  I went home a little early.   I walked in and he ran to greet me.  I sat down in my chair and he jumped up and stared at me, pushing his face into my sleeve.  I welled up immediately…. “Louie, we have to go see the doctor.  I need you to get well.  Do you understand?   Joey and I need you.   It has been such a great comfort having you here with us, especially for Joey and I have come to love you so much,” I pleaded with him.  He looked at me and rubbed his face in my chest, and then he did something he has never done.  He cuddled up pushing himself into my coat that I had not even taken off, and fell sound asleep.

There he sat, and I prayed for mercy for this dear sweet furry and faithful friend.   Cathy came, and we wrestled him into his  cat carrier, of which I still bear the scratches.

When the vet ran some tests, she called us back to discuss the results and I felt a chill go down my spine.  I knew before she started….. I just knew…..  This was not going to end well.

Louie was filled with bad things…. tumors in his lungs, kidneys filled with kidney stones and ill formed.  Tumors and masses in his belly, and intestinal tract, fluid on his heart.   It was explained to us, that older cats, him being at least sixteen, often don’t show signs of illness until so much is wrong.   She said much of these things had been growing for a very long long time.

Cathy made the most difficult and yet compassionate decision to have him go on the next leg of his life journey. The vet agreed to wait for Joey to arrive.   When he walked in, Louie immediately pushed his face in Joey, and he looked at all of us, and my heart broke…. again…..   Why…. WHY… is all I kept thinking… hasn’t our little family had enough yet?  Now we have to lose Louie, too?   This dear sweet kitty who did nothing but bring us joy, and love and gave us a needed connection to Shannon.   I looked at my son’s eyes, a grown man to the world, and just my child to me, and my heart again, broke.  Joey nuzzled his head against Louie’s, “Give Shannon a kiss for me.”     And my dear friend Cathy, who has been through so much…so so much…… and then myself…. here I had fallen in love with this little furry friend only to have him ripped away.   Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………….

Louie went peacefully.   I know he went right from our touch to Shannon… I know how happy she is, and how thrilled that this week, which is her and Joey’s anniversary will be spent snuggling her little Louie that she loved so much.  She always told me that, not matter how bad your day was Louie made it better and she wasn’t wrong.  I found that was so much more true than I ever imagined.  Shannon always told me that if anything had happened to Louie while she was alive, she would not have been able to handle it.  I felt awful for Joey, for Cathy and me, but so happy for her.

It was hard to come home that day, walk in the house and see all his kitty things everywhere.    One thing I was not prepared for was that the morning system would break down.   You see, every morning, there was a routine that we followed.  Gizzy would wake up and lightly tap her paw on the floor of her cage, which would wake Eli.   Eli would gently whistle and Louie would wake and dutifully walk back and meow twice.  That, apparently, in cat-ese means, “Don’t worry friends, I will wake the breakfast lady.”    Louie would then leave, jump on my bed and wake me.   Well, the next morning, the routine broke.  The whistling did not bring Louie and so Gizzy thumped louder and Eli started whistling at a level I did not realize he could reach.  I turned on the light and went back there.

I poured each their food and checked their water, and then I sat down and explained to them that Louie has gone to heaven, and you all need to develop a new system.   They must have listened because this morning, brought the same routine but it was much quieter.  I know they will miss their friend, their liason, their protector….

So will I…..

Looking back… I am grateful to him.  I kept thinking about how he was sick for awhile and we never knew.  He obviously hung on for all of us.  Not for himself but for us, what a kind thing to do.  He hung on for Cathy, and Joey and for me.    It must not have been easy to portray himself as perfectly fine with so much wrong and yet he did.  He often acted like a kitten not an old man… and I am grateful to him. Totally grateful, for giving us a chance to heal our hearts a little before he left us.  Always a gentleman, right to the end.

Who knew that someone so small and quiet could leave such an impact on my life.  Rest in peace, Louie, enjoy your life in heaven.  Good and faithful friend, you earned it!

Love you little Louie, my sweet little friend, you changed my life forever…..

Chris  aka the breakfast lady