No, I have not written in a bit. And there have been a lot of reasons for that. So let’s start with the good ones……
Her! Tell me if you had five minutes and you were me, who would you spend it on, because she is IT for me. 
Look at her. She will be four months old on the tenth and I am so in love with her it is ridiculous. I couldn’t ever have imagined what a huge part of my heart she would steal. My day isn’t complete without a visit to Rachael’s world. When she sleeps, I see her brother’s face…. and I wonder what he would have been like. She is a sweet baby, but cries the house down when she is hungry.
But she loves people, her people, and her dog. She loves silly songs, even if you sing off key and make up words, and story books. She loves to look everywhere and just like me? She loves to be outside. I think she will be like my kids and blow through two strollers easily. She hates the pacifier but prefers to shove her thumb and pointer fiingef in her mouth like she is going to whistle. And when she is happy, she crunches her nose when she smiles her biggest smile. When she coos at me,my heart is full. She is the good…. all good. And when I look at her, I see all that is good in the world.
I can’t even imagine my world without Rachael. I am so grateful to Dr. Jack for helping Sara. Look at her! She is perfect! Her huge eyes draw you in. And her sweet smile makes you smile back. For all of us, she is good medicine. Most especially she is good medicine for Joey.
Sara and Russ have been most kind a out our constant visits and I love to take her for rides in my car, or walks down McKinley. Someone told me a long time ago, there is something about grandchildren, and there truly is. But when people ask if I am enjoying my first, I never let anyone forget she is my second. She is so sweet to me, relaxes in my arms, and turns her head to smile at me. She calms my worst days. Nothing sweeter…..
The bad… well… it’s been a tough year. I have been kind of frustrated for about the last eight months. My best efforts to get my life moving to a healthier direction have met a lot of obstacles. When baby Russ died I quickly gained ten pounds. Not changing my eating habits I have no idea how. Then Shannon brought another ten and the school year brought its ten. Rough times.
If you have ever heard that stress weighs, I am the illustration. It’s been hard on me, leaving me plenty of times in tears. And recently s friend asked me if I am ready to just give up now. I actually laughed out loud.
I am sure they did not know me well enough to understand. You see, the truth is, not one single thing in life have I ever done the easy way. Not a single one. I wish I could think of one but no. So why should this be different. Does that hurt…. yes! I am embarrassed, aggravated, feel like giving up…. but I won’t. That’s never been my style. Nope, I am the kind who lays on the ground, beat up, dirty, and cries for a bit. But then I get up and keep on, even if I reach the finish line dead last.
It’s been tough. I had to deal with a few very personal things this summer and face a lot of truth about the stress in my life, but I have faced it. I know where the problems were and hopefully, I have dealt with them, so the scale better respond. I know there are times when I just couldn’t keep up with my own life, and I have to find better balance. And I optimistically look to regroup now. Did it before and can do it again. No great journey is complete without its hiccup in the road. This, unfortunately, is mine. Don’t appreciate how long it has gone on, but oh well. Nothing I can do but march on. More about this as I make some progress!
September is back to school, and a great time to return to more structured time! September resolutions are always good! Join me….. the walk will be easier if I have friends along.
Hugs,
Chris