Dear Dr. Jack,
I am in.
Chris
Everyone needs someone in their life who is no nonsense when it comes to making a decision. I am no different. About nine years ago, I found a best friend who has truly inspired me, pushed me and saved me in the most important ways a person can save another. His name is Mark, and we have next to nothing in common. Isn’t that the best thing ever??
We found each other on the internet many years ago when I was searching for help with a problem. We connected and I knew in an instant that this man was my very best friend. Over the years we have known each other we have shared many things. With Mark came a whole other family of people that I value and who I think of as my own family.
The beauty of our friendship is based on trust. I know that I can ask him anything, share anything and he will not judge me. He has always told me that my size is irrelevant to him but it has always bothered me. You see, Mark is a very athletic man, and a lot of his friends are the same. They are all softball and football player type people, and he always seems to have women friends who are tall, slim and pretty….. And then there is me…. I just never seemed to be the kind of person who fits the mold. One of the first times I went to see him play in some tournament, a guy who was on the team walked over to me, and asked me who I was to Mark. I said I was just a friend of his, and the guy made a comment about he kind of knew that and went on to say what most of Mark’s friends looked like. I never told him that story because he wouldn’t have liked it, he is very protective that way. But ever since that day, and since I am sharing the truth, I have always stood kind of on the outside of his life, because I didn’t want him to be embarrassed about me. That’s how bad my self esteem was.
Over the years, he has tried to help me when it came to diets. He read things on line, or told me about things he heard. And when I got down one myself about it, he never picked me up. No, that’s not his style. He yelled at me until I got myself up, to prove to me that I don’t need anyone to help me.
I know that Mark loves me and I love him. I know he cares about me and I know how I can count on him to always be truthful with me about everything. Mark never lies and he tells me things that are hard to say, especially when he thinks I am wrong, he tells me I am. That’s a great friendship, one I truly cherish.
As soon as I sorted things in my head out, I called Mark. He listened patiently as he always does and told me that he could not make the decision for me. I told him that I didn’t want him to, but what I needed was help in sorting out the facts. Again he listened patiently.
And as always, he gave me just what I needed. “Look, if you think you have found someone that you believe can help you, just suck it up and do it.” That which takes me a million words to say, takes him one sentence.
Then I talked to my grown up kids. Their reaction was the same, “Mom, why are you asking us? You should just do what you tell us. Do what is best for yourself. We stand behind you no matter what.” I am pretty lucky. My children and my in law children are the best ever. They are so supportive, I could never have asked for anything greater in life. They are my reason to get up every day.
It was all I needed to push me where I needed to go. After all, if it was my children, and I thought they needed help, would I stand here THINKING about it?? No!!! It was long past the time to make that kind of move for myself. At what point was I going to value myself as much as I valued these other people?? But could I do it, after everything that had happened? Was I going to be strong enough. Could I make it through the disappointment that might happen?? Yeah….. there was one more good try left in me.