I decided that this week, being February break at school, I was going to take my vacation time from Walmart as well, so I had the whole week free. If I didn’t take my Walmart time, I was going to lose it and in the eight years I have worked there, I have NEVER taken my vacation, and lost it, which is really silly.
I have done a lot of odd jobs around the house that I never get to, like cleaning out my pajama drawer this week, holy cow, I am down to two pair. I also went through my sock drawer, and think I might need a support group. I think I have a sock problem, but that might be another post. I got rid of a lot that were looking old. Time for new things.
While I was cleaning them out, I started doing a lot of thinking, that I need to clean up inside me, too. Over the years, I have had a lot of dieting failure. And I mean a lot. As I was looking over drawers of things I was cleaning out, I came across a list of books that I have loaned people about different diets. Often when I loan out books, and I don’t want to forget in case I need them again, I write down where they went.
It was the list that kind of struck me….. Spark People… Atkins (like five of those), South Beach (three), GAPS, Sugar Busters. The list goes on and quiet frankly I am embarrassed to tell them all to you. Apparently, the sock problem extends to Diet books. That does not include the ones I still have, Hypothyroid Diet, American Diabetes Cookbook, another Spark People, nor does it include my Kindle collection……. lots and lots and lots of materials.
When I looked at the list I was mad. That was my gut reaction, anger. I kept thinking about all the times I tried all of these and met with failure. I spent a lot of money, and a lot of time, and what did I achieve but pounds gained, not lost and blows to my already bruised self esteem. I listened to lots of people telling me that I must have messed up. Maybe I did them wrong? After all EVERYONE is losing on these diets, so it must have been me.
I sat down on my bed, and looked at the list. I realized that I have to take this whole thing and turn it around to something positive because my anger is wasted energy. Maybe if I had never had those experiences, THIS experience wouldn’t mean as much to me. Maybe I wouldn’t want it as badly as I do now. Maybe because the road as been so difficult and I feel like I had the stuffing beat right out of me, well, maybe that is why this success is so sweet to me. And maybe…. just maybe….. it is far past the time to let all of that go.
You can’t change what happened to you. No matter what the situation is, your past is not something that can be dismissed and a very wise friend told me once, that it either eats at you or you find a way to turn it into something positive. You can’t change what happened. But you can change how you use it. I figure the best thing I can do is use it to change not only my own attitudes, but to help others who have also tried all this and felt like they too, were failures.
I ripped up the list. If I loaned you any of those books and they helped you I am glad. Peace inside yourself…… it really is an awesome feeling.