Today, I am sharing something really personal. I hope we are all good friends and that it is okay to share. A lot of people ask me how I get through difficult days and not want to eat everything in site.
Well, first of all EVERYONE has bad days, everyyyonnneeeee, and I know everyone is tempted to eat everything in site or eat what is bad for your health. It’s hard when food has been your comfort. That is a whole other issue to deal with. Maybe a story for another day about how I am trying hard to work past that. I am learning to stop medicating myself with food, but that is another story.
I get through difficult days and difficult situations by following a trick my best friend gave me a long time ago. I met my friend, Mark, at one of the lowest points in my life. It was bad for a ton of reasons, and it seemed like one of those big ice jams that happen in Cazenovia Creek near my house. The ice gets all jammed up together and it all over flows and causes a lot of damage. It is not much different inside. And we all have those times in life, when it all is just in the same place. You can’t deal with one thing before another is shoveled on top.
It was the same for me. In the course of short time, I had lost my mom, never having really gotten over her death, I had separated from my husband and on the verge of divorce, and I had to have back surgery, after a long battle to be properly diagnosed. Money was tight, life was all wrong, too much to share, and I was a mess.
Mark is a good friend to me. He does not let me wallow in self pity. He gets tough, his own survival method, and with him, everything is black and white. He does not let me make excuses but rather cuts directly to what is wrong, and helps me sort out what can be done and what is purely emotions running wild. He explained to me, and kept on explaining to me, that in order to get through any and all of it, I had to put myself first for a change. I had to start taking care of myself. I had to stop worrying about trying to fix all the details and just deal with the problem.
I heard him, but I was stubborn, and he had to keep repeating and repeating and repeating to get it into my stubborn little brain. During those times, when he could see I was just shutting off, he told me to try something. He said that I should take a piece of paper and write on it, “Chris first.” He told me to put it in my pocket and carry it everywhere, and that when I put my hand in my pocket I could feel it and remember that I had to take care of me, because I was useless to anyone else unless I did. I couldn’t solve anything unless I took care of me.
It started out with me doing it and not thinking much about it, mostly to appease him, but I found out within a few days that he was right! Any time I reached in my pocket and felt that note, it was a reminder. I found that I reached in there during stressful times. I would feel the note and remind me that no matter what was going on, I had to guard myself, take care of my physical, and mental well being. I carried that note for years…. until it was in shreds. And then I gave it to Mark. I wanted him to see that I really did listen to what he said, and that yes, it was a game changer.
I have carried a lot of notes in my pocket since then. When I know something is coming up that might be hard to deal with, I write something and push it in my pocket.
The first day I started working with Dr. Jack, I put a note in my pocket. I carry it every day. It reminds me too, not to eat everything in site EVER, but also to not mess up this chance that I was given to change my whole life. It is a good reminder of the commitment I made to him and to myself. I can’t let either of us down.
I won’t share all parts of it…. it is really kind of personal. But I will share a little:
“It is October 5, 2015 and I am scared…….Despite my fear, I will do whatever Dr. Jack tells me….. 110% effort…..I know I will have to struggle to work through some fears. And this won’t be easy on him either. ….. please let him be patient with me…..110% no matter how scary it is. …. Nothing less.”
That has gotten me through a lot of things. It has carried me when I wanted to eat for pain. It helped me through difficult situations as I reminded myself that emotional pain causes you to store fat, not burn it. It has pushed me through times when I felt the weight was sluggish. It was in my pocket when I stood up to share my story at his seminar. In a kind of silly way, it makes me feel like I have Dr. Jack with me, that we are a team, and I can’t let him down.
So, take a minute today…. write yourself a note, and carry it around for a few days, and then a few weeks. Carry it until there is nothing left of it. Watch how such a simple little thing helps you stay focused and on track. Watch how just a little note in your pocket can change so much.
When I finish with the note I am carrying now, I am going to write a new one, and I am going to take this one, and give it to Dr. Jack, so he remembers that he might not change everyone’s life, but he definitely changed mine, and his influence will be with me always.
What will you write on your note?
Wow!! Love this idea! Not only will I do this….but going to pass this advice onto my sons!!!
I’m going to do this, too. And thank you for sharing some of your struggles. It helps to know that we aren’t alone. Sometimes it seems like everyone else has a fun, happy, perfect life. But of course we all struggle, we all fall. The secret is getting back up again.
I think I might steal what your note said – “Cherie first”. Gosh, that even seems hard to write! I’ve lived for so long worrying if everyone else had what they needed, or making sure that everything on my “to do” list got done, that there never seemed time or energy for me. I will definitely need this reminder in my pocket! Thank you!!!
Believe me… The first on is the hardest. I wrote it, didn’t believe it for a longgggggggggggggggg time. But every time my hand touched it? I started believing it. Yes! Cheri First!! That has to happen sometimes. Who is taking care of you!?? Do it tomorrow! You will see.