Putting down your baggage….

You know, the hardest part of this journey has not been what to eat, or how much water to drink, or making good choices about food.  The hardest part has been what goes on inside myself.  As much as we like to think we are all grown ups, and we have all our stuff together, the truth is, we don’t always.  We carry with us all our experiences, whether we liked them or not.  They do affect your weight loss and they can be a huge obstacle to getting healthy.

I told Dr. Jack a lot about myself early on.  When I signed up with him, I explained my dieting failures, but as time went on, I shared a whole lot more, about myself, my inner struggles.  I shared my stressors, and things in my past that got me here.    I figured that this whole thing would go best if I simply lived the code taught to me by my parents.  Lay all your cards on the table face up.  No one has to like the cards you have in front of you, but at least they will respect that you were open and honest.   After all, he is a doctor.  And how can you expect to get help from a doctor if you are not being completely truthful and upfront about your issues.

Dr. Jack is not judgmental.  He is the epitome of professional.  He listens, he acknowledges, and then he gives you a solid plan for fixing.   I have always found him to be a good listener, and one who does not let me dwell on negativity.  Rather, he encourages me to voice things but then find a way to deal with it and not let it interfere with my growth.  I have learned about a million wonderful things from Dr. Jack, one of the best is, treat yourself as important.  And don’t let the past be anything but a lesson for the future.  Do not get in your own way.

Was that easy to explain so many embarrassing things about myself, things that others would be shocked to know about me?  Absolutely not.   It meant sharing things that I typically don’t share with people, not even the people closest to me.   But at the same time, I knew unless I shared them, that he wasn’t going to be able to help me the way I needed him to.   After all, holistic healing is just that….. it’s about the whole person.  One thing affects another.   Think stress doesn’t play a part in your losing weight?   Think the wear and tear of your day doesn’t play a role?  Think that some bad experience hasn’t been chewing at your brain for a lifetime?  ALL of that has an impact on your ability to lose weight.

I think those parts are a lot harder for Dr. Jack to heal because ultimately, I have to heal it myself.  But, as he constantly reminded me, we are a team.  He provides knowledge, understanding and tools.  I have to provide effort, a willingness to cure myself and drive.   And if there was one thing I was going to do?  It was going to be that I had to reverse all of it…. my body’s inability to lose weight,  my mindset of being a failure at this,  my Hashimoto symptoms, my thoughts that interfere with getting healthy, and a boat load of past junk that I am sick and tired of hauling around every single day.  It had to be all or nothing.  If you are going to do this, you have to go all in.

There have been a lot of stumbling blocks.  None of them have anything to do with food or following the program.  It is all what goes on  inside my own head.   After all, do you really crave sweets?  Nope, it’s there because you are trying to comfort yourself.   At some point, you have to comfort yourself in other ways.  I have found ways to do that.   Was that easy??  I laugh!!!!  Oh noooooooooooooooo….. no way!!

I figured out though that I did a lot of it to myself.   You know, I tell people all the time,  your greatest gift is also your curse.   I am very compassionate for others.  I try to help people as much as I can.  That means your heart is open, but when it is, it’s also vulnerable.   So when people were telling me I was the problem, or calling me names, well, that got stuck inside, too.  It’s the curse of having an open heart.  Did they do something to me that caused a big scratch inside?  Yes…. but who chose to let it in?  I did!    I let it in, and I have to deal with what happened when I did.

Add that one example to about a million others, and that is the baggage I showed up with when Dr. Jack said he would take me as a patient.   It has been a challenging journey for both of us, I think.   He definitely got the worst of it, but the battle inside has not been a pleasant ride for me either. And on Sunday morning, when I was sitting reflecting on my week and reading my journal, I got sick and tired of it all.   I slammed my hand on the table and thought, “That’s IT!  DONE!!”

So, Sunday, I made a really conscious and scary choice.  No matter what baggage is still in here, I need to stop carrying it around.   It’s high past the time to pack it up, put the massive bag on the ground, take a match to it, burn it like it was a bonfire on the fourth of July, incinerate it,  and walk away from it.   After all, the only thing it is doing is weighing me down.  It is all stuck in here, and the only way to make room for new stuff is to let all THAT stuff go.   Was that easy?? No way!!!!   It has to be done.   I cannot grow and change if I am all clogged up with all this excessive garbage inside.    I hope others figure that important lesson out long before I did.

For the last two days, when any of it got in my mind, I made a point of stopping and saying, “NO,” to myself, and moving on.  I learned something already which is a bonus!!!   It’s a lot easier to walk this road without carrying the massive weight of the junk that came before this part.  So take a lesson from me….. just put it down and walk away.  It hasn’t done anything but clutter up your mind, your heart and your soul for far too long.   It’s so much easier to walk free, open to new things, new ways of thinking…. just NEW!!   It’s a lot easier to make good health choices when you see yourself as new…. and sooooo worth it.   It’s just easier………

So Spring clean your inside!!!    Open up the windows and air out all that stuff. Pitch it to the curb.   It is very freeing….   and enjoy what is coming next.  I can’t wait!!!

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!