I still owe Nancy Hughes, http://www.northstarpilates.com/, and Dr. Jack, a HUGE apology. I seriously pitched a fit about trying out Pilates, and when I say fit, I mean a FIT, and guess what? I have come to LOVE going there and working on it at home. I love everything about it.
I had absolutely no idea about what would come with this kind of exercise, nor how it would change my life. It has been a HUGE game changer for me. I don’t have to worry about being the last one picked to play. I don’t have to worry about stumbling and falling. I don’t have to worry about being the slowest runner because nothing about this has to do with any of that! I think probably the best thing it has brought me is truly one word: PEACE.
It is peace that comes from her studio but peace that carries with me throughout my day and into the homework she gives me.
I have a bad day at work, I come home, kick off my shoes and socks, get down on my mat and breathe!! I flip open my notebook that I prop on the floor. Then I start the homework Nancy gives me. I work easy at it in the beginning but then I want to work harder at it, trying to perfect every move, expecting a little more each time. I am not rushed…. I am not under a time frame…. I don’t have to keep up with a room of people. I am alone, in my own little world. I don’t have to worry that I look weird or that I can’t keep up with the music. I am at peace inside. I don’t have to worry that if I turn the wrong way, I will take half of the room out. I AM at peace, inside myself, inside my body. And that is a miracle because my body and I have been at odds for a very long time.
I move from exercise to exercise, and each time I try to do a little more, remembering hints and ideas Nancy gave me to help do the move and utilize all the necessary muscles. And within ten minutes, things start changing inside me. Aggravation leaves….. Stress finds its way out….. tension of muscles relax and contract, getting rid of their toxins… and within a few minutes, I am at the place of peace. Gosh, I love this Pilates!!!!
Wednesday is my class day. I get so excited that day to go. I can hardly wait to get there. Nancy lets me come early and warm up. I walk in, smile at people there, and me, who was scared to death to exercise in front of ANYONE, can easily block out the whole room. I remember what she told me the first day I went, “You are safe here.” And that is exactly what it feels like…. SAFE. If you ask me who was in that room when I was? Couldn’t tell you. I don’t see them. I see her and I hear her and that is all I know.
I kick off my shoes, and find a spot where no one is. I lay down, close my eyes and start by just breathing and taking in the sound of the room and the way it feels. I often keep my eyes closed doing lots of the work so that I can focus on muscles and breathing. Then, Nancy and I start working together. She shows me things, demonstrates, helps me perfect moves and solidifies in my head what we are trying to do. The hour I work with her flies by and I can’t believe it’s time to go. I am always disappointed that it didn’t last longer. Yeah…. me…. Wow… who is THIS??? Gosh, I love this Pilates!!! Did I already say that???
I find that it has changed me. I find myself pulling in my abs in line at the store. I rebalance my weight as I do things. I move boxes differently in my other job. I walk up the stairs to my room differently. I sit with my belly button pulled to my spine. I stand in my room taller. I may be only five foot outside but inside I feel like I am six feet tall. Shoulders down and relaxed, spine engaged, abs working. If I am working in my room, I stretch and breathe. I put my hands on my back and rib cage to feel where things move, muscles I never knew even existed!
I walk out of Nancy’s studio standing taller, more graceful. I find that I move differently, I stand differently and I carry myself differently. I am stronger and more flexible. I am able to move more easily, maneuver better, and I find that things I couldn’t do before suddenly become easier to do just by what I have learned.
But none of that is as important to me as the feeling that comes from inside. Maybe it is the endorphins, but maybe it just gave me something that nothing else could give. It’s my own pace…. it is me who controls it. It brings me inside to a place that used to feel self conscious and awkward. And suddenly that place feels graceful and strong and most importantly of all?? Peaceful…. at home, inside me. Gosh I love this Pilates!!!! Did I tell you that???