I joined the YMCA…

I know…. You have been following me awhile. You have read all my posts and now, you are staring the page wondering who hacked my page.  Well…… No one hacked me, I really joined the Y.  So last summer I had a horrible gym experience and I swore up and down I was never ever going back ever again, no how,  no way.  It took Dr. Jack forever to convince me to try Pilates!

If you read here regularly, you know about the gym experience I had last summer with people laughing at me, making fun and you know it really hurt me.   But two weeks ago, something changed all of that.  ,

My sister, Sara and I were sitting together talking,  Sara teaches Zumba at the Y and she always asks me to try it.   I am always fearful of that, I can’t walk and chew gum.  What can I say, we have different gifts.  She and my brother are very coordinated.  I trip going up the stairs and rarely don’t have a bruise somewhere just from being clumsy.    Anyway, we were talking and she was saying how I should give a gym another try, and I was pretty set against it, but then she said the magic four letter word…… Swim.   “You could swim and exercise in the pool.”  Swim??   Now you are talking the magic language.

I used to love to swim! When I was a kid, I lived in the pool.  My mom would just serve me a lunch right next to it because I lived in the pool.  As an adult, I still loved to swim and when I took my kids camping I always swam in the pool.  We used to camp for a week at Sherkston, and always I was in the water.  But over the last ten years or so, I just stopped.  I was uncomfortable in my own skin, felt too big to even consider it, and  just like a lot of people, always stood on the side lines and watched life.

And since I am being so upfront, I am tired of watching life…. Lately I have this itch. I just want to do things, things I couldn’t do because I was trapped inside.  Trapped by weight, by my disease and by mental blocks that I made or that I took on from the actions of others.  Dr. Jack literally came inside here with a sledge hammer and broke all that, and now I just want out!

So anyway, we were talking said the word that made my ears perk up…. Swim.  After our conversation, I thought a lot about it.  I called her and said I was interested and we agreed to go on Saturday so I could just try it out.  But if you know me well, you know that my stubborn streak, although a huge problem is also a great  gift.  I kept thinking that if I am going to walk back into a gym after last year? Well stand back because I am walking back in on my own power!  I was going to do this on my own no matter what.

 Tuesday I talked to Dr. Jack, who much like my best friend, Mark, has the ability to say something that just pushes me to do that which I believed impossible. I was explaining everything and he told me to just do it!  He said his goal for me was to be able to do so many of these things I just couldn’t do before.   I told him I was going to wait a week to sign up and he asked me why?   I had no idea….nervous?   I got off the phone and like always he is in my head…. I can do this…. I mean what am I embarrassed about??    What if I just go there and get used to it!?    I got in my car, drove there and asked for a tour.

I admit my anxiety level was pretty high while the girls gave the tour, but I did it anyway.  I tried to just take in the feel of the place.  I kept reminding myself, this is just another piece to the puzzle.  Get healthy, eat better, do my Pilates, go here, walk and swim.  Okay!! I can do this!!

I then decided to buy a swimsuit which also produced a ton of anxiety.   My skin is saggy in places but it’s my badge of the 94 pounds I have lost.  I can do this,… I can do this,  and on Wednesday morning at 5 a.m. I drove there alone, and signed up…They were running a special and  waived the membership fee. I got there early before I could change my mind.  The lady who signed me up was lost as to how to do it, but that was a blessing, because it forced me to stand there awhile soaking it all up. I realized that there are different groups of people there all day.  For some it’s a social thing, for others it’s all business, but most are not much different than me.  They are just trying to get healthier.

Saturday came and despite more anxiety we went.  We walked the track, took a better tour given by my sister and then exercised in the pool.  I had a great time, so much so that Sunday I decided to go back alone.  I met a great young guy at the wellness center who showed me how to program the treadmill, bikes and elliptical.  He was patient listening to my story and then he he offered me advice on how to start.   He also told me all about how he just wants to help people.  He figured out my target heart rate, told me to start out small, but just keep trying things, learn something each time.  He explained different programs and what I might find beneficial.  I loved him!!  Reminded me of kids I might have taught, just a nice guy and willing to answer a million questions.   Then I took  a long walk on the track, and went back to the pool.

 Today, after an absolutely amazing Pilates class with Nancy, I went back out with my daughter, who also signed up,  to do a little walking. I couldn’t believe I still had energy left!!    And I realized that every time I walk in there it gets easier.  My self consciousness is getting better. My uneasy awkward feelings are going down, and I feel as though I have just as much right to be there as anyone else!!

I actually am enjoying it!   It brings my stress level down, I feel good! It helps my mental focus because all my school work is as caught up as it can be at this moment, and my feel good endorphins are at an all time high.

I know you are shocked I did it!!    I know…. I can’t believe I did it either!!    As Dr. Jack told me, “One small step for you, one giant leap for your life.”  His little play on Armstrong’s words and oh so true….. It was not the easiest thing walking in there.  A part of me is extremely self conscious, a huge part still thinks of myself at my old weight, and part is afraid that like last time people will make fun of me and laugh, but sometimes you have to stare fear in the face.  Besides these endorphins make it all feel so wonderful!  I will keep you posted on how I do.  And there I am, the proud card carrying member of the YMCA!!