Dr. Jack is a really talented man. Besides being the best doctor ever, he has an active, busy family life, he has a busy personal life, he coaches, he has two businesses to run, he is an author and he even finds time to play the trumpet. Last night, he was going to be playing with his son in the community band, and I had a rare weeknight off, so I was able to go see him play! I was really excited to hear him in a live concert.
He told me it would be outdoors, even better, as outdoor music events are favorite of mine! He said to bring a chair and told me where and when it was.
A few years ago, I had bought one of those collapsible chairs for events like this. It was not easy to find. You see, when you are a larger person and you are short, those kinds of chairs are not built for you. Mostly the problem is weight. When you are heavy, all your weight is suddenly in a position where simply standing up is not easy. If I had longer legs then I could shift my weight forward more easily from the position, but I am all of four foot eleven with a half inch thrown in there.
When those first came out, I wanted to get one. My friend Mark, is a huge athlete. He was always playing flag football or softball. And I would often go to his games.
I wanted to get one of those chairs to comfortably watch him play. I went to the store and looked for one. Gosh, I am getting tears just talking about it. I saw a display, and found one that looked right and thought I really should be sure it fits so I tried it out. I sat down and immediately sunk so low that there was no way to get out. I didn’t realize that the fabric just moved down and there is no other support. I was stuck, the large person’s nightmare. I wanted to cry. I knew in an instant I had made a huge mistake. There was no way I could just stand because when you are that big, moving that way is just not a possibility. I couldn’t get an leverage to get myself up and the more I tried the more I panicked.
I knew in an instant that I was going to be humiliated no matter what. I tried as hard as I could but it was an impossible situation. I tried shifting my weight, rocking forward, nothing. The combination of my weight, my short legs, residual pain from my surgery, and the sinking fabric, it was an impossible situation. I wasn’t getting out the regular way. I had to think. I couldn’t ask for help because the nearest people were small and if they pulled me they would need additional help. I wanted to just evaporate into the air and tried to cover up my dilemma by acting like I was checking the comfort level. Why had I done this!
It was in the middle of the sales aisle and I was trapped. I had run out of options and I knew it. I couldn’t just sit there. So in order to get out I had to basically turn to the side and fall out of the chair. .. It was humiliating as I struggled to get up, right the chair and maintain any dignity at all. This had not gone unnoticed and the site evoked laughter and a few “fat people” comments from a some teenagers who remarked that they wish they had their phones out. This lead to more laughter as one asked if I minded doing it again. If you know me you know how easily I blush which only made them laugh at me more.
I left the store in tears and for that whole summer, I told Mark, I preferred to stand and watch his games, which I did even though my legs and back screamed. I never once sat in one of those chairs. I just walked the sidelines claiming it was easier to see rather than tell my great friend the truth. Many times, Mark offered me his chair and I refused until one time, I got brave and told him why I didn’t want to sit in it. He looked confused as I explained that my size was the problem. He told me that was nuts because his larger friends sit in them all the time, but I stubbornly refused. I was not going to break it, not going to ask him to help me up, not going to humiliate myself again.
Well, a few summers ago after a lot of searching, I found one. It was made by Coleman, and folded differently and was specifically made for larger people, with additional support and fabric that runs across not sinks so more like conventional chairs. It is large and cumbersome to carry but I didn’t car because I can get up unassisted. I was sooooooo clever, right??…, by ripping the tag off that said xlarge. Like anyone who saw the chair wouldn’t notice!? You delude yourself into believing that, that no one notices you are carrying a chair that’s twice the size of others.
Yesterday I got it out of the garage and threw it in my trunk. When I got to the park, I opened it up and sat down. I was so excited to hear Dr. Jack play, a rare chance to hear the person who has become not just the doctor but a dear friend, doing something he loves. I sat there and fidgeted in the chair. “Why does this chair feel funny? Why doesn’t it feel right? I feel like someone else could sit here with me?? ” I put my hands behind me, I shifted forward, then backward. I was focused on the concert but kept realizing I was extremely uncomfortable in the chair. My feet were hardly touching the ground.
When the second song started I moved back to get more comfy and realized the seat was actually pushing into the backs of my legs so the only way to be comfy was to slide more forward. I was noticeably uncomfortable but I didn’t want to stand and be in people’s way. I thought it strange and before the next song began I shifted again in the chair trying to find that comfy spot I always had. “Why the heck does this dumb chair feel so weird!? Last year, I was perfectly comfortable using it and I can’t understand why it’s not now? WHY WOULD. …….ohhhhhhhhhh..” The realization hit me right between the eyes. Two people could fit in here NOW because I lost one of them. Now that I am smaller, it doesn’t fit me anymore. Funny how I never noticed how large it was, nor how heavy to carry before this.
I sat there in my realization that this man, playing so beautifully in front of me, had taught me something today. I looked at Dr. Jack and silently thanked him for giving me this gift. Little does he ever realize the things he gives me that he really does not understand. Big people have tons of nasty stories they never tell. Now here this great doctor had helped and allowed this one to be wiped off me. Because it is now just that, not a hurt, just a story.
I wiped away a few tears…. Thankfully unnoticed by Dr. Jack’s sweet wife and family, who let me sit near them. I would have blamed the beautiful music. I inched forward and enjoyed the rest of the songs. Little did Dr. Jack know that besides letting me come to the concert to hear him play, he actually gave me this gift. When the concert was over, it was so nice to see him, and congratulate him on an awesome performance. We talked a few minutes and I looked at him and said, “I need a smaller chair,” to which he wisely nodded, looked down at it and said, “Well…..Yeah!” It’s funny, almost a hundred pounds later, and in my head, I still see myself as almost the same size I was. I think changing that will take some time.
The concert was truly beautiful! A mix of talented musicians from grades ten through adult. It was a combination of so many wonderful tunes from patriotic to Broadway show tunes. It was impossible to pick my favorite. I loved the military tribute watching so many people stand during the part reflecting their military service, although I thought Dr. Jack should have stood for is Air Force service. The weather was perfect and the crowd polite and appreciative. It was truly a beautiful summer concert. These talented people had only rehearsed five times!!
I got to meet Dr. Jack’s family, such nice welcoming people! It was nice to put voices and mannerisms with people I see on Facebook and hear about. It just was a perfect summer evening of such relaxation. I felt so peaceful there. He played so well and I enjoyed the entire night. I was glad I got to see him and thank him for letting me be there. It was quite a treat for me. I hope I get to hear it again next year.
Although before then?? I gotta go buy a new chair!