Today is the day! Today, Dr. Jack and I reached a huge milestone, 100 pounds lost. It’s a great day! Yes! That is my jacket from marching band last season! Looks like the band will make a few bucks off my new purchase, even though I am confused as to what size to buy!
In the beginning, I had a hard time believing that this was an achievable goal. When I first talked to Dr. Jack, he asked me what my goal was. I said I wanted to lose just forty pounds and lose a few symptoms. After all, I figured that was the best I could hope for and even that was a long shot. But Dr. Jack is a wise mind, and obviously more knowledgeable than I ever was. I remember that he got quiet for a minute, a sure sign that he is formulating what he wants to say in just the right way. He asked why that was all I wanted when much more was possible, including Hashimoto remission.
I asked him what he thought the goal should be. He told me, “Let’s shoot for a hundred pounds, all symptoms gone and then we will assess where we are at. And let’s give ourselves a year to do that.” I squished up my face with a look that read, “yeah….sureeeeeee we will,” and I thought I had just met the eternal optimist and that this poor man had no idea what he was up against, fighting my disease and my body to accomplish such a lofty goal. I told him, “Well, either I will be a huge success story, or I will be the biggest challenge you have ever faced, and I believe it will be the second, because you don’t know where I have been.”
But which of us was wrong? Happily, I admit it was me! He knew all the answers that I didn’t know. So here we are, the one hundred pounds, absolutely no symptoms and with 71 days to spare! That means that everything that happens now is kind of like a bonus!!
We both know we need to go farther, but it’s good to take a moment and celebrate what we did. Not run out and eat different, not change anything, not pick up that which took 294 days to break… But instead, just celebrate. In the beginning when he told me what was possible, I was scared to death to believe him. I had a baddddddd track record for losing weight and every year all I gained was more weight and more symptoms, despite good effort. I told him, “Do you have any idea how many health professionals have told me that the only answer for me is surgery? And even that is no guarantee?” I took his answer and made it the cover of my journal so I read it every day. “If someone tells you a lie often enough, you believe it’s the truth. When someone finally tells you the truth, you believe it’s a lie.” I will never forget where I was sitting or wearing when he told me, “Listen to me, Chris, are you listening? I KNOW I can help you.”
So today? It’s quite a day today!! When he had told me we could be here, I admit I had a very hard time believing him. But I also knew that there was something about Dr. Jack that was different. I followed with blind faith, a man I had never met, who I didn’t even know what he looked like. I just knew that he was my answer. I trusted the voice inside that kept telling me that he was telling me things I had never heard before. This was all new information. His focus was not going to be weight loss, his focus was going to be to get healthy, and the weight would just go.
I look in the mirror and I hardly recognize myself! So often, I catch myself tearing up and not recognizing the reflection. And I am not just talking visually. Yes, I look smaller, and I look tons healthier, but I also see things I have gained that you cannot see. I lost all the clothes that don’t fit anymore, but I gained a spot in my dresser for clothes I have never owned: workout clothes. And this new found thing, exercise, just feels so good. Little did I know what a great feeling those endorphins bring!
I lost a lot of bad, useless information about what I really should eat everyday. I sat with a lot of naysayers in the beginning who told me that what I was doing would end in failure. They told me that I couldn’t sustain it, that I would fail. I lost a few friends. But what I gained was an education that truly had taught me about this disease, about how my body, not anyone else’s processes food. I have learned what I need to be healthy. I learned to shift my attention from weight loss to health. I couldn’t do it before because I had all the wrong information!
I lost the constant exhaustion and I gained days filled with physical activity. Besides my two jobs, I still have enough energy for Pilates and the YMCA. I am trying all kinds of classes, meeting people, and just pushing myself physically in ways I never dreamed possible. That’s a whole other blog.
I lost the person who always felt like a big stupid failure all the time. She got up everyday thinking she couldn’t change anything no matter how much she tried, but she is gone. Here I am, thinking I can do absolutely anything I want to, all because one kind doctor said he could help me if I just believed what he told me. Goal setting now is not an exercise in accepting failure, it is an exercise in patience as I work my way toward what I want. It is all about perseverance now, not failure. It’s all about healthy, not starving myself.
I lost weird food cravings, days where everything I ate was orange. Or you can’t get enough of one certain food that makes you gag the next day. Hashimoto’s and its craziness is no longer my everyday curse. I lost my hate realtionship with food. And I gained a very peaceful relationship with it. When I am hungry, I eat. There was a new concept! I don’t think everything that touches my lips is a reason to beat myself up. I learned how to heal my cells with food so that they perform to their best ability.
I lost a lot of copay’s and visits to nutritionists who had no idea how to help me and gained one doctor who had every single answer I have ever searched for. When I have a question, the answer is explained to me. I gained a person who I can be completely honest with, who I can share my stories with, who listens, who had compassion for my situation, and who has lead me to places I never dreamed I could go.
Dr. Jack has been my inspiration. On the days I get down, he always reminds me where we have come. On the days I am impatient, he reminds me to just let my body do what it needs to and just relax. And above all, as I have gotten healthier, he reminds me to just enjoy my life. To go out and do the things I want to do and don’t let anything hold me back. When I tell him my little successes, he is genuinely happy for me, and when I have a problem, he cares about me and how it effects my health. Tell me agin, what book could I ever have bought that would have given me all that?? Tell me what words can I ever write to thank him?? Tell me what I could ever do for him to repay what I have received?
Yeah, we lost a hundred pounds……but I gained so much more!
ps….. Dr. Jack?? This was some work and yet we had so much fun, and this is great but now? I want the 110!!!!!