In Dr. Jack’s seminars and webinars, there is always a place where he has a slide that says, “If you do nothing, where will you be in a month? In three months? In six months? In a year? In five years?” I can remember exactly the first time I saw it, when I had watched his webinar sitting on my couch. I can remember that I sat there and cried thinking how every time I had tried something else, here I was three months later with nothing to show for it. I also admit that every time I hear him say that whether it’s live or when I watch a pre-recorded webinar, I still get all welled up with tears I just can’t seem to control. Where would I be if I had done nothing? Where would I be today?? I hurt just thinking about it.
A lot of people tell me that they give me credit for the fact that I just keep going. Well, I am not sure I would have if did not have a lot of things in place. But one the most important tools in my bag of tricks, is my “why.” That’s another thing Dr. Jack talks about in this presentation, why do you want to do this?
Many people would say that they want to improve their health or they want to lose some weight. And my thoughts on that are, if it’s me? That isn’t going to cut it. You have to clearly define your “why.” And I mean you have to get down on the ground, fighting, beat up, dirty and bruised with your “why.” That’s the motivation that pushes you to keep going when cake is calling you. It is your “why” that is screaming, “I don’t think so,” to food or habits that go against your goals. You worked too hard to just get here!
When I first started with Dr. Jack, I took the time to write down my “why” statement. I did it after the first time I talked to him on the phone. I thought that if I saw it, and read it on bad days, it would help to keep me strong, but I truly believe that if I had just written, “I want to lose some weight and alleviate some of my symptoms,” I would not be as successful as I have been.
When I wrote it, I started with that. I want to lose forty pounds and alleviate some thyroid symptoms. And as I sat reading it, something inside me that has been locked behind a big padlocked door, just broke…. And then it happened, I picked up the pencil and started frantically writing snippets of phrases.
I was angry when I wrote mine. And I mean angryyyyyyyy. I was mad that no other diet had worked to help me. I was angry that I had this dumb disease that is invisible to the world but was just chewing at me every single day. And the thing was that once I started writing it, suddenly every angry emotion that I had ever thought about regarding this disease and myself came rushing out. It is a paper that includes jumbled thoughts totally disconnected in any way. It was angry and upset, frustration, and confusion, it is hope and despair and every emotion you can imagine. The dam had broken and it was all flowing fast and uncontrollable.
I was exhausted, from illness, from the constant emotional roller coaster I was always on. I was tired of being tired all the time, tired of faking how energetic I tried to portray myself. Tired of smiling all the time and hurting inside so much. I was exhausted from being afraid to sit in certain chairs, trying so hard to walk with other people, and not appear to be gasping for air. Tired of laughing off people’s comments, tired of people I spotted taking my picture with their cell phone and laughing, tired of always being the big girl in the group. Tired…. Tired of going on a diet with friends and cheering their success while crying over my lack. From lack of sleep to exhaustion from doing too much in a body that wouldn’t cooperate, I was exhausted. I wanted my life back!! I was tired of hating myself, hating what I saw as a big failure every day in the mirror. I didn’t want this anymore!
And then it was about hope, the wish that when I am a grandma, I want to be the one playing on the floor. I want to be the grandma chasing after kids, not sitting on the sidelines. It was my anger that because I had to work when my kids were young, I had missed everything, and now that my kids are adults, Inlook forward to being a grandma, but knowing I would be sitting in a chair watching. I would still miss out on the fun with grandkids to come because I couldn’t move. And how that hurt just to imagine…
It was about dreaming how I could find someone who might love me, for companionship and sharing lives, but how could they when I hated myself so much.
It was my hopes about how it is hard to be trapped inside your body and wishing you could be freed! Your head is screaming to do things you want to do, but you are in pain. You want to be active and go out and do things but you can’t. And I was tired of being that person, it was all so unfair, because what bad thing had I done that had given me these cards to play?? How I did I end up with a brother who could walk fifteen miles a day and sister who teaches Zumba, and here I was…. How??
The words on my “why” then turned to despair. Is there really going to be an answer for me? Can this doctor really make a change for me when no one else could?? Does he really have answers? And will I be able to follow through on it? So many people have rolled their eyes at me thinking it’s just another crazy plan Chris is trying that she will fail at. What makes me think I can ever do this? I can’t do this again and fail. Myself esteem is ill now…
And when all that emotion had poured itself out, my thoughts turned a different route, the logical side. This is my last shot. It is my last hope. If I don’t do it, where will I truly be in a year? Worse off than I am now?? The pain will be worse, what I am able to do will decrease? Am I really willing to risk that? Or take this one last chance!? This is truly my last attempt. If this does not work, I am done. This has to work for me. And if I go, I have to go all in!! It can’t be half… I can’t worry about holidays or other stuff like that. My head has to be in the game, but my heart must buy in!!
Want to change any part of your life? Write down your “why.” Not “I want to lose weight and be healthy.” Get down to the lowest level with it, get to the ugly sad part of it you don’t want anyone to know about. Look at it, reason with it, and when you are tempted to mess up, look at it again and say, “Am I seriously willing to go back to this place??”
Where will you be in a month or three months? I doubt Dr. Jack knew what a loaded question that was for me…. Even writing it I get tears. But now they are good ones.
Hugs,
Chris