Sooo… I posted a blog about cheating and why I don’t do it. Guess what? That generated more mail than any other post than I think I have ever written. I didn’t realize what a hugeeee response that would get. People wrote me all kinds of things about their experiences, their downfalls, and the most generated question I received was how I avoid cheating?
Well, the sad truth of the matter is you can’t avoid it. Cheating is a big ugly nasty monster with horns. You can try to hide from it, but the monster is big and he won’t be going down without a fight. Since you can’t avoid it, you have to deal with it.
I can sit here and tell you how easy it is, how wonderfully successful I am at avoiding it, painting a picture of hearts and flowers, and tales of how I just took a walk and it went away, and that would be the biggest lie I ever told. It isn’t easy at all, and some weeks it is a daily battle of wills. It is going to fight back and you are going to spend some days in tears over it. Emotional eaters have it the worst I think because it just intensifies it.
But the good news is, you can get better at it. I am not any kind of expert at any of this, unless you count the hundreds of diet attempts in my life. I know what it is to try and then cheat and fail. So why is this time different? Why was this plan any different than the rest? Well that’s another blog!
But here is my take on the whole thing. First, most things in life are patterns. We drive our cars to work on the same route. We clean our houses on the same days, pay bills a certain day. We have routines we follow. Dieting had its routine for me too. Start a diet, lose a few pounds, then the loss was slow or so minimal it did not equate the effort, so have just a little something. Only that one or two cookies won’t be enough, so have something else. Well, you cheated now, might as well eat the pizza and start over again. Only tomorrow, you go for breakfast with friends and convince yourself that pancakes are eaten in the morning and it will be fine. But it’s not fine and by lunch, you add in something else. The cheat begins and before long back to square one and the cycle begins again.
99% of the time, I had been a failure at any plan, so I know alllllll about the cycle. This time, I was convinced, I was breaking it. So I had to change up the pattern. I started asking more questions of Dr. Jack to understand the whole weight loss cycle. And for the most part, the stalls were predictable. Too stressful a week? Stall. Didn’t feel well? Stall. And of course as soon as it did stall, I wanted to cheat. I had to keep working on breaking the pattern. Not outside but in my head.
I made myself a promise. If I was going to cheat, then I was going to write Dr. Jack an email and tell him before I did it. I wouldn’t do it unless I had told him. That got me out of a lot of jams. It would be easier to cheat and then confess. But that was the old pattern. And this would be a ton harder. That helped… many times I sat there with something in front of me thinking that I can eat it if I want, but I have to send the email first. Believe me, in the last year, I have written that email hundreds of times…. just never had the courage to hit send, and so I didn’t eat it.
All those unsent emails forced me to start looking at why I wanted to do it in the first place. Sometimes it was just that I was hungry. So I tried to solve that. A lot of times I just didn’t incorporate enough at a meal. I found I needed a bigger lunch and then the rest of the day, I was okay. I wasn’t as tempted when I was full. So more available snacks.
I also knew if the problem got bigger than me, the supplements company that Dr. Jack works with had solutions too. I didn’t really need to ask him about that because the battle was more mental than physical. That was an option though if I needed it.
I took some of the approved foods and moved them to a treat category in my head. So if I was desperate then I might have a handful of walnuts.
There were situations where I needed to just get out of that physical space. Thanksgiving was one. I was stuck working at the store and they had brought in dinner for us. They had a bunch of pies lined up and it looked far too good. But I started thinking that I just wanted it because I was angry to be working and missing yet another Thanksgiving with my family. I haven’t had Thanksgiving dinner with my family since I started my second job. And the more I thought about that, the closer I was moving to the pie. Finally, I just got out of the room. Did that stop the battle? Heck no. But it wasn’t in my face either.
And plenty of days, my head just had a huge temper tantrum. Why can’t I have it? Everyone does and how fair is it that they can and I can’t! Why was I cursed with this metabolism? Why doesn’t my body process food like theirs? Then the parent in my head basically told the other half, to just move on. Sounds easier than it actually is. Plenty of days, I got tears over it, but I just kept trying to keep my goals in the front.
There are tons of things you can do to avoid cheating. If you look online there are lists everywhere. For me, it came down to facts. This is my last attempt to lose any weight. It’s either do it now or be unhealthy the rest of my life. Now that I live a symptom free life? I still want things, but knowing that I can’t do this again stops me sometimes. Knowing that I would be inviting back in those symptoms? No. Other days? Well, the temptation is pretty great. It’s hard to avoid food. When you give up smoking, you don’t have to keep cigarettes in your house, but you have to eat the rest of your life. Food is always there.
What else helps me is that I have taken my education from Dr. Jack very seriously. What you learn, you cannot unlearn. And right now, I know a lot about the effects of not taking care of myself. I have asked that poor man more questions than twenty other people. The other day I laughed because he told me that I keep him on his toes with all my questions.
But very honestly? The biggest thing is that in the end, it comes down to loving yourself. If your child couldn’t eat sweets or it would cause their body to work improperly, what would you do? You would do anything to make sure they didn’t get any. You would go to any length to keep them healthy.
You have to love you just as much! You have to!! It took me a long time to realize that I was a terrible bully to myself. And I think I turned the cheating corner when I stopped, took a good long look at that, and said, “Who do I treat with such disregard as I do toward myself?” Easy answer….. no one. You have to love yourself. Stop putting yourself last all the time! You wouldn’t shove junk in your child’s mouth and yet we do to ourselves. Not me anymore. Not ever again. Because if I don’t love me, who else can? Love yourself first.
Cheating? Good luck avoiding those situations. But in them, love yourself enough to take good care of your body, your only real home, as best you can. And if you fall down, and we alllllll will, then just be kind. Get up, recognize it for what it was, change the pattern that got you there, try again and move on. After all, you would forgive someone else.
Stay strong! We all have a ton of the same issues, me included!!
Huggssssssssssss,
Chris