It started because like all teachers, I get cute Christmas gifts. The kids in my classes know I love to color. I colored long before it was this big adult hobby. Friends used to laugh at me because where some people read in bed, I like to color. And I still prefer crayons with big little kid coloring books, wide open spaces to shade. I got three boxes of brand new crayons from students and some of those twisty crayons plus a few coloring books from students. I looked at them and thought they look fun but time….. time is the enemy.
There are plenty of days where I just wonder how am I getting all of this done? I have a lot of energy now, but it really is a juggling act and I have a lot of balls in the air. Way too many most days filled with an unachievable amount of balls in the air. I expect far more of myself than anyone else.
It’s an old habit. I started burning the candle at both ends a long time ago but now, I seem to be burning it in the middle too. And then there are the days the candle is like an inferno. That seems to be the last few months.
Like everyone, I am crazy busy this week trying to pull off Christmas. Working two jobs never helps. I didn’t buy much as we are a pretty minimalistic family in terms of gifts, and I am grateful for finding Amazon Prime. I haven’t written a single Christmas card yet and probably won’t. I baked cookies and today I am cooking dinner for my children, plus finIshing a few cookies and family favorite recipes. Tomorrow is dinner at my sister’s home and I am contributing meatballs and a few pies to our traditional lasagne dinner. As a side note, I am making my own dinner of chicken and vegetables. Need to stay on plan because my cleaned up diet is the reason I am not getting ill from all this running.
Yesterday, I was out the door for groceries by six a.m. and then cleaned a huge mess we had going on between wrapping and finishing some last minute jobs, and just the general mess. If you had knocked on my door yesterday, I would have died of embarrassment at the mess I had going on. Then I went and worked my second job, and came home pretty exhausted, from all the people and just cranky shoppers that are so typical of these last few days.
Today looks about the same. I just took five minutes to read email and decided to take ten to write. Trying to calm my jittery self and this helps. My head is racing with jobs I should do next week, thinking about things that need organizing and just sorting. Notice I haven’t mentioned what I am doing for myself. I have never been good at taking time for myself.
If you ask me to lunch my head is always asking what I can squeeze in before and after. On my way to job two, can I squeak in an errand? Do I have time for two loads of laundry between jobs? Can I correct a set of papers in my car while waiting for you to arrive? Can I get up an hour earlier? After all sleep is not necessary right? I had a good friend invite me a knit project group that started a few weeks ago, yeah…..haven’t looked at it since.
Why do I push myself this hard?? Why don’t I have a better life balance? It’s really no wonder that I struggle at times with weight loss. I bet I am the largest producer of Cortisol in the world! The absolute top producer! And if you are a student of Dr. Jack’s, you know that is the fat storing hormone… ughhhhhhhhhh…..
So what am I going to do about it? I need a better balance in my life. I always seem to be running and I don’t really take any time during the day to just do the one thing that I think is needed….relax. Spend a little time on myself. I cannot sit and watch tv without a project in my hand. If I have five minutes, I think I should be cleaning up something. I can list a hundred projects I need to do. But none of them involves me just sitting and doing something I find relaxing. When did I stop doing that?
Wow… I have a lot of questions today, don’t I? When do I relax? When I go to Kelly for my skin and when I get a haircut. Okay so twice a month and then once every six weeks…. no wonder I am frazzled!! Last week, when I talked to Dr. Jack, he suggested a phrase I need to learn. “No I can’t do that. I just don’t have the time.” He went on to say that he has a post it on his desk to help him with balance. It says that for every time he says “yes” to something or someone it means he says “no” to something or someone else. As soon as he said it, I cringed. I realized I am alwayssssssssss saying no to someone….ME.
Well, that’s going to be the first thing I put on my New Year’s Resolution….
Find a better balance.
I know I am not the only one…..Write it down and let’s work on that. You know you need to! Have a great Christmas Eve!
Hugs,
Chris