The other day I ran into a friend who told me I hadn’t written much for a while. He told me that he reads here all the time and wondered where I had gone to. I was telling him that I am struggling because I had told myself that I needed to stop focusing on the difficult things in my life. I mean people read here for help with their disease. He looked at me and told me that I don’t get it, that the people who read here DO read for that, but that he does not have Hashimoto’s. He reads because he said that he likes how real I write….. okay I never had considered that. As weird as it sounds, that day two more people made the same comment, that they just like to read it, not because of my disease.
Well, the truth is, I am struggling to keep my focus on that. I have a lot going on here still. I really do. Anyway, yesterday, I pulled in the driveway after tutoring a student, and I got out of my car and it smelled so nice in the yard. I realized it was all the pretty flowers. I didn’t plant them, Joey and Shannon did.
Every day in spring, I came home and I would get out of my car and Shannon would have planted something, somewhere new. I think she pulled out every planter or pot I own and put some variety of flowers in there. She kept telling me in spring that they weren’t doing all that well, but today? She would be shocked at how beautiful they all are. She was soooooo proud of doing them. Shannon loved plants, she actually studied horticulture in high school and she was a great resource to me. I have this one kind of bare spot in the front and I asked her what she thought. She decided on a foxglove that has stopped its blooms but will be again in spring. She and Joey couldn’t agree on a color and so she selected a multi color bloom.
My teacher friends bought me butterfly bush, and I came home one day to finding in a pot that I had painted a long time ago, sitting on my porch. Joey told me, she kept asking if I had more pots somewhere. She loved her plants.
One day, we were in the garage and she was looking around and I saw her eyes light up, “What are those?” I explained that many years ago, my mom wanted to put some kind of flowers hanging on the garage, and my dad took some old gutters that he cut and assembled perfectly into planters for the garage. However they get a lot of heat and unfortunately, nothing ever grew well in them, so mom would put artificial flowers in them.
Shannon was not willing to give up so easily, so she tried two rounds of flowers. Yesterday? Two of the three containers are in full bloom,Mom would be so happy!
Another day I came home and the two of them had bought a tiny charcoal grill. They pulled out the picnic table, they found the umbrella and stand and the chairs. My neighbors across the street kept telling me how fun they were to watch, grilling their dinner, laughing and talking.
As I am sure you know, things here are really hard. We all miss her terribly. Watching her mom and Joey on this road has made it even harder. She is everywhere here and her presence, her laugh and her little touches just are missed so much.
Her pets are adjusting, but even they miss her. Especially Louie….. Louie the most. I have sat with him and explained lots of times, but he still watches the door. I have told him we are trying our best, that we both love him and will try to do our best, it is just going to take some time for us all. Gizzy, the rabbit and Eli, the guinea pig are trying to adjust. Eli often whistles at night around eight to remind us, that Shannon always made him and Gizzy a salad of fresh vegetables and fruit. I think I scored last week with some blackberries. Bentley, the bearded dragon has been okay with things, I think he is more laid back. Joey now, often wears him like jewelry, as Shannon often did.
Yesterday, for whatever reason, was a bad day here. Everyone, both furry and not, had a tough day. We were all mopey, all in a funk. Joey and I went to Y for a swim, to relax but it didn’t help much. I kept reminding him to be patient with himself, but it is easier said than done.
I didn’t sleep too well. I got up and opened the front door. I usually slide a box in the doorway that Louis climbs up on to look outside. He jumped up and we both smelled it, the flowers. He looked at me and I bent down to pet him. “Me, too…. I know exactly what you mean. But they sure are beautiful, aren’t they Louie? She sure left us a pretty gift. ” I don’t know why, but I think he understands me. He nuzzled his head against me and I bent down to kiss him…. I know exactly what he means.