It’s actually going pretty well. I have had a wicked cold all week, surely a sign that my body’s wonderful cold free for over a year immune system was completely out of check. No surprise to me. It was just one more reminder just how toxic, an internal environment, I am living in.
I started the week with my objectives though of staying the course and I did. Some days were definitely a challenge but I pushed through. Sugar was everywhere as it always is and constantly calling to me even though I have been off it so long. I think that is just always going to be where stress calls me to comfort me.
Mentally? Better. It wasn’t easy there either. My thoughts are often drawn to Baby Russ. As we draw closer to his due date I think that will happen. My heart aches for what should have been. It hurts too when I get home, and I have to stop myself calling out to Shannon, to say I am home, to talk about our day. Joey and I have settled into new routines, still plugging along. My heart hurts to hear him say he made himself dinner while I was working, him eating alone. But I push through.
Did that effort of the week yield any results? Scale wise? Not looking. I have no desire to see the damage summer brought and this is not any longer a number game for me. It used to be but it isn’t anymore. It’s about getting healthier. So it’s hard to say if it had any effect there.
But yesterday, I was working my second job and thought how hot it was, and that I felt sweaty. And that made me smile. I haven’t been sweating at all during the summer months, a sure sign that my symptoms were once again in high gear. So it was nice to feel that yesterday. My mental clarity has improved. I am really tired though, a combination of symptoms, the cold, working both jobs, and just getting back in the swing of things.
Mentally, I decided, through my work with Rob and Dr. Jack, I need to bring my stress level down about a million miles. And on that objective I did okay. I have some work pressures I need to handle but for the most part I kept my reactions down. I responded, not reacted. I used facts, not emotions for all things. I decided my new buzz phrase was “path of least resistance.” Someone wants to argue? Enjoy that. Not getting into it. Facebook weirdo drama? I scroll past. Your stress is not my problem. I have my own things to deal with. I keep working on doing things that make me happy, like making new things for my students, finding great tutoring kids to work with.
I am not spending tons of energy trying to change people’s minds about things even if I believe I am right. I just say what I have to say and that’s it. How did that go? Hard but not unachieveable. Just going to take practice. Dr. Jack asked me to read a book a long time ago, and it was all about how people are always trying to put monkeys on your back and how you start collecting their “stuff.” Well, I started realizing that I wasn’t carrying a few monkeys, I had an entire rainforest on me! So as soon as someone tries to give me their monkey? Nope, here you go….. all back to you. Own your own stuff, as Rob always tells me.
I also took time every single night to sit, to meditate a little, to take all the things on my mind and put them down. That didn’t work early in the week so I changed it up.
In order to do that, I developed a new practice. Every night before bed, I wrote down all the things bugging me that I need to handle. I leave them there on the paper and I pick up the paper in the morning. But while I sleep, as soon as I get into bed, they are there, waiting across the room on my dresser, but I am here, in peace, no burdens. No matter what is wrong, lack of sleep isn’t going to change it. It certainly won’t fix it. So I put it down, it will be there tomorrow to deal with. My sleep has improved dramatically from such a little thing.
How did you do? Did you change anything this week? And if you didn’t, what about next week? I often think back to Dr. Jack’s original presentation that always moved me to tears, if you change nothing, where will you be in a month? In three months? In a year? In five years?
One day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. I can do it, and so can you!