Well, let’s see…. weight wise things have not changed much but that’s okay, I think they will be shortly. Health wise? Much better! Eating better, sleeping better, wake up feeling rested! Symptoms are in check and improving daily. The mental fog has lifted and I can think more clearly without that constant strain to remember everything. That is awesome! My hair is not falling out as much, my eyes are not twitching anymore. My skin looks better and although I still seem tired looking, things are improving.
Personally? Better. My grief comes in more like ripples than a tsunami now. I still have moments where I hole up in my room and I can’t stop the tears, but it’s better. I know in my head that I cannot change what is. My heart hasn’t quite gotten the memo yet. There are those days I wish I could go back and fix everything….. but my head reminds me that no matter what I did, the outcome would be the same.
I want to fix things for my children, make everything better. But I can’t. They have to walk their own road of grief and all I can do is be there when they need me. As a family, we are all suffering still, but as I remind them…. we are up everyday. We are showered, going to work, taking care of each other and living in the real world. We are doing okay! Not great….. yet…. but okay!
Stress? Improving! I am working on detoxing the people who give me stress out of my head and out of my life. I avoid them like they were contagious, because they are! They try to push their stresses onto you, their issues. No thanks. I try to stay away as much as possible and while they spew their stuff onto me, I silently pray. Literally! I pray for peace and contentment inside myself while they sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher to me…. blah, blah, blah……. I smile and dream of sunshine and rainbows and flowers…. shake it off, move on…..
It has taken me a lifetime to realize, that you can stand there arguing all you want. News flash! You aren’t changing their mind any more than they are changing yours. So why bother investing yourself and your valuable energy? That does not mean I have turned into a doormat, I still say what I think. But, I say it and that’s it. Not debating, not arguing, not trying to convince…. I said it, that’s all I need to do. I try once and I walk away and as Dr. Jack told me once, I sleep great on that! I tried. That is all I can do.
Now that has been Hhhhuuuuugggggeeeeee for me. But soooooo needed. And I don’t think I am great at it, but I am a heck of a lot better. I owe that to Rob, too, my life coach. Stop resisting, guard your energy, spend it where you choose! You can watch it evaporating on them, or you can keep it and spend it on something you want. Takes a lot of self control believe me. My heritage and gene pool of Hungarian and Italian, well, let’s say, I am a beautiful mix of totally stubborn. I don’t give up easily on anything.
So to stand there knowing I need to walk away for self preservation? Huggggggeeeeeeeeeeee…… and if I can, YOU can!
Exercise? Hadn’t gotten much but that too is improving. Been doing my Pilates practice a few times. I have been a little rusty but my flexibility has shown improvement this week so I know it is returning.
Sleep? Total improvement! Do I always get eight hours? Ummmm… Louie, the alarm kitty, doesn’t approve. Ha ha…. he usually wakes me early, wanting his breakfast. And I oblige and feed the furry creatures, leaving the bearded dragon for Joey. And once I am awake it is hard for me to go back to sleep. I usually get a few papers corrected or answer some emails. But on the weekend, I got back to bed, if I wasn’t working. Rest is long overdue. And totally needed.
Louie has become more settled with just Joey and I around. He loves when Cathy comes to visit. I find myself having silly conversations with him. Yesterday, I went to leave for the grocery store. I told him it would be nice if he finished a few things around the house while I was gone. I returned and he was waiting by the door for me, but of course had only slept. I teased him about that, he turns his head and stares at me while I go on, I think he understands me now. Ha ha….
I feel better, can you tell? I feel soooo much better…. that’s the most important part…. I feel better….. and feeling better my weight will follow.
I sit here sometimes and wonder how I would have ever gotten through this without the health I had…… how…..
How was your month? Time for more change. October is going to be soooo much better for me. I know it is. And it can be for you, too!
Hugs!
Chris