Did you think it was a blog about how to do that? No! I am asking you…. ha ha……
Just kidding…. sort of….
Last week, I had a conversation with Dr. Jack about what seems totally like my inability to relax and unwind. It was a conversation that lead to an email that i have read over a hundred times. It was one of those times when someone says something to you that gets in your head and you can’t forget it. You think about it, you read it again and spot something else that registers, you think on that. You realize that it hits home. I am always grateful to him for those.
In thinking about it, I started to realize that way too much of my mental time is spent worrying. I worry about family and friends. I worry about my job. I worry that I am not doing everything perfectly. I worry that my weight is standing still. I worry about how my kids are doing. I worry …..
Because the truth is, that as hard as I am trying to get it all together here? Yeah….. well…. yeah…. I am figuring out that the big equation has a lot more intricate details on the road to de stress. And as I am trying to fix that, I realized that there are a ton of components to that and one of them is that I worry far too much.
It was the hardest summer of my entire life. I am working hard to not dwell on it, but move through and keep on. But the truth is, it is really hard. I am the worrier. In this family, I carry the worry torch. My mom used to be the worrier, that was her job.
Going for a job interview? No need to worry, Mom had you covered. She prayed for you, then called you to see how it went and worried until she knew the outcome. She was always an exceptional worrier. When my kids cut their first tooth, she would call to ask me if it happened yet, to the day she had her stroke when one of the last lucid things she asked me was if Joey had passed his road test, she was our worrier.
And when she died, I am not sure how it happened, but I swear the invisible torch was passed onto me. It is on me like a tattoo. How did that happen? I am not sure, all I do know is that the worry torch grew and grew and grew….
Now I worry…. and that worry definitely impacts your stress level which impacts any effort you make to get healthy. You have to keep it in check. This is more of a pep talk for myself than anyone else, lol……
In all seriousness, you have to have everything lined up to be successful if you want to get healthy, and sometimes, the biggest hold up is your mental state. What you are worried about? Is that causing stress? That stress will definitely impact your health. And if you are worrying all the time, you are not enjoying your life.
Now I know you all support me here and you know that of course, I worry about Sara. Which parent here wouldn’t be worried? I have stood close by to Sara without suffocating, just close enough that if she needed me, I was right here. I would watch her through mom eyes to see if any subtle changes occurred. Was she overly sad or depressed? Was she okay most days? Did she need support? Did she just need a diversion…..
Then, I worried about Russ. It isn’t easy being the man in this situation. Did he need support, someone different to talk to, to work things through? Was he okay with things?
Then it was Joey, how was he holding up, how was his mental state? Did he need me? Was he working through his grief? Was he spending at least some time with other people? Was he moving eating and sleeping? I worry……
I worry about my job, am I doing the best I can? I worry about friends and extended family. I worry about Shannon’s mom and her family. I worry…… I carry the torch and it has grown to be something so large I can’t even lift it some days. And in talking to Dr. Jack about my level of stress and my inability to relax? I have seen that clearly, it is time to put it down.
Worry is a huge energy drain. And although I will never ever lose the torch my mom gave me, I have to find it a healthy home on a shelf somewhere. Last week, I decided to just stop the worry as much as I can. So I had some time to just think my way through. My kids are all fine. Everyone is grieving but they get up every day and they show up for life. I have to give them space and room to move their way through their grief, not hover. I can’t fix this so why worry about it? And! I have to allow myself the same, room to grieve, room to breathe, and permission to go on and enjoy my life….. to show that same kindness to myself.
Too much worry never lets you enjoy the moments that are good and I don’t want to miss out on any of that. And neither do you. Lots of you write to me about your “stuff.” We are all so much alike. You worry, too. So much of it has impacted your health as well. So for today, let’s all just try to put down the worry torch and just enjoy our life. Enjoy all the good things today! Be happy and at peace inside. The worry will be there, but it doesn’t need to occupy such an enormous place inside your head. Put it down…. one day, worry free. And then two days, which leads to three… that’s my plan!
Hugs!
Happy Sunday! Happy worry free day!
Chris