Trying to make it “Christmas”

That has not been an easy task.   No one in this family is much about Christmas this year.   How could they be?   First the baby… then Shannon and now my ex husband is still in rehab for a partial leg amputation after five surgeries and complications.   It’s been a long year.

But I am the mom here!  And Christmas has to come.  After all, there are still things to celebrate.   Sara’s pregnancy is going well.  I thank God every single day for every single day! Joey and I try to help her and Russ.   We usually take Sara grocery shopping with us and Joey pushes her cart, lifts and carries for her.   I go over every Saturday and scrub up her house and do all the laundry.   Then I come home and do mine on Sunday.   Somehow we are making it all work.

On one of those days we were riding out to Wegmans I mentioned Christmas, and I swear I heard crickets chirping in the car.  No one was much in the mood.   I told them that although I totally get it, we have to try for the sake of each other to do a little.   So we don’t need to put up every decoration, nor go crazy buying.  After all, we never were much about stuff…we all enjoy the company more than the presents anyway.

They agreed…. how’s it going?  Ehhhhhhh…….

Their dad’s simple toe removal escalated to five surgeries until his leg was gone near mid calf.   He is in rehab and scheduled home next week but that will be a job.   Shopping for Sara who can’t walk much was mostly done online.   I work my two jobs so I was limited too but we all did what we could.  I made three kinds of cookies and not many at that.   They kept saying I could skip it but I am the Mom!  And Christmas never happens without the Mom!   Do I feel like it? Not too much but I am making myself.

I remind myself every day, that I have  soooo much to be thankful for!  Soooooo much.   And nothing will change the circumstances so we have to keep moving forward.  That’s all there is to it. Life is like that, you have to just get up and keep going.   I reminded them that when I was a kid we lost my grandmother who had lived with us right before Christmas.  Her funeral was December 23….my mom made Christmas even though it was so painful to her.   Not our best year,  but it didn’t matter.  We had each other.

Well, I am the Mom now and I have to make it happen too!  So we are having dinner with my sister and her family.   Christmas Eve, Sara is visiting her in law’s in Olean, and Joey and I will be alone.  That might be best.  I invented Shannon’s mom to join us, but she is not in the place where she can and I totally get it.  It will be okay…. just not yet.

Health wise I feel much better.   I am finally off the self sabotage.   I know in my heart that I was just doing that to myself because it’s kind of like trying to cover yourself with a coat.   But my great eating habits have returned.   And my stress level, well, minus this Christmas pressure is in check.

2018….that’s going to be my year.   Hoping it’s your year too!   Take time to breathe during the holiday.   No one remembers anything I ever bought them. But they do always remember memories.   Joey and I talked yesterday about all the fun I had baking cookies with Shannon the last few years.  No one appreciated my cookies like Shannon and I miss that so much this year.

Have a great Christmas!

Hugs

Chris