When I got in my car, I sent Dr. Jack a text. I apologized and said, “I am soooo sorry……I loved it!! I will write when I get home” I drove home thinking so hard, it seemed like it took only a minute to get there. I went in, and sat in my kitchen. I knew I had to talk to him. I had to talk to his voice not some impersonal text. I should have apologized to his face…. but I would have been a mess. I sent him a text asking him to call me.
When he called, it was hard for me to talk. I told him that I absolutely LOVED it. Nancy Hughes was the kindest, sweetest instructor ever. I learned so much and the thing was I felt GOOD inside. I felt calm, and I felt like I COULD learn to do these things. She was the perfect instructor for me! PERFECT!!!! My back felt better. I told him all about the evaluation and how it went and that I felt I could do this. I could be successful at this. I was excited to share with him. But I felt badly still.
I sat at my desk thinking. “It’s just a phone call. You are calling for information. You aren’t committing to anything, just asking for information.” I tried very hard to convince myself. And finally I picked up the phone thinking, “I can’t believe I am doing this!!! I am NUTS!”
Part 2: NO WAY! I couldn’t … I couldn’t do it. But I also felt like I couldn’t tell Dr. Jack either. I emailed him and just said I didn’t think I was ready for that kind of move. I had no desire to seek out a gym membership or any trainer at all. I wasn’t interested in anyone pushing me beyond my limits. Don’t want it, not going to do it. I am sure he must have been shocked at the other end. I mean after all, I am the patient who follows the directions to the letter of the law. Tell me you want me to something ten minutes a day? I am in twenty. So who was this person? This is so not me!
I love Dr. Jack, if you have been reading here for awhile you know that. I love him! TRULY! And I trust him. People think I am open to everyone but trust is hard for me, so to completely trust him was a big step. Everything he has ever asked me to do, I have done without question. I listened to his reasons and just did it. When we email, or talk, he makes suggestions and I listen. I try to follow what he is telling me to do. And it sounds like it has gone all smoothly, doesn’t it? Well, that was until a few weeks ago. On that day, poor Dr. Jack hit a nerve that I have apologized over for a ton of times already and yet still feel guilty about it.
A lot of people compliment me on my success so far. Many of them tell me, “I could never do what you are doing because I have no willpower.” I have to be honest, I kind of cringe when they say that. I hate that word “willpower.” It kind of makes it seem as though other people have some magical quality that the rest of us don’t have.
You know, the hardest part of this journey has not been what to eat, or how much water to drink, or making good choices about food. The hardest part has been what goes on inside myself. As much as we like to think we are all grown ups, and we have all our stuff together, the truth is, we don’t always. We carry with us all our experiences, whether we liked them or not. They do affect your weight loss and they can be a huge obstacle to getting healthy.
I know it will sound silly…. It sounds silly even to me!!! Today, I get out of the shower, and I realize I am a little tired. After all, it was a crazy weekend. I worked both jobs Friday. Saturday, I left the house at eight, and got home after ten. Add in daylight savings time, and all the running around I did to just get caught up over the weekend, and I am just a little over tired today. Anyway, I am getting dried off and dressed and I look at my hand and start wondering why it looks weird. And the I realized both hand looks weird. What are those bumps? I looked at it from the top and bottom. The bottom looks okay but the top has these little protrusions, like lines, only they are raised? …… And then it hit me…..hello!! Those are bones!!! Bones??? I never saw bones in my hand before?? And why are some parts more blue?? Veins!!! Those are veins!!!! How weird??? This must be like regular people’s hands!! How amazing!!
I had a few emails this week from people who are starting with Dr. Jack on his 
Today, I am sharing something really personal. I hope we are all good friends and that it is okay to share. A lot of people ask me how I get through difficult days and not want to eat everything in site.