A 
long time ago, I read something that talked about how your greatest gift is your curse. I have often thought about that and realized its truth. My greatest gift? I have this huge over the top enormous ability to love. It’s a great gift! I love everyone, many beyond the normal. And those I really love? There is nothing that gets in my way. It has come in handy when I love kids in my class so much, that I will do whatever it takes to help them, even if they hate me for it. It has helped me be strong for my family when they needed me the most. It has allowed me to show gratitude for the smallest thing s people do for me.
It has pushed me way out of my comfort zone to do things for people all the time, things I didn’t believe I could do. But it has also been a curse. I get hurt soooooo easily. Dr. Jack often reminds me that I take far too much to heart and Rob tells me all the time, to not worry so much about what others think. It is difficult to sort out where that gift must have limits. And I cannot say I am too successful with that. I can’t actually say I am successful at all. I struggle with that daily.
A few days ago, a friend asked how my month and a half of daily YMCA working out is going in terms of pounds lost. And my answer was simple…. I have not lost a thing and I don’t go there to lose weight. That would be a lesson I learned the first time I listened to Dr. Jack’s webinar. You don’t exercise to lose weight, you do it for the health benefits. For me those benefits are increased strength, agility, endurance, coordination, benefits I don’t see in a mirror or on a scale, and a place to work off a whole pile of stress, and I mean a pillleeeeeee of stress. She commented that since all these added efforts since summer have not yielded the results I wanted why not just give up, eat what I like, and accept that no change will come….. I actually laughed….. And again I had two answers….. it has not yielded the results I want YET and I am far too stubborn to give up…. I have never given up on anyone in my life. It took me a lifetime to figure out that there is one person I should never give up on….ME.
That got me thinking, that those things that are my curse can also be my gift. I am the most stubborn person I know, except for one friend who is far worse than me. I come by it naturally, coming from a long line of stubborn people. I often joke that if you look up the word stubborn in a dictionary, I am sure my face is the illustration, and my family lineage the history of the word.
My stubborness has served me well. I refuse to ever give up on a single child in my care. I refuse to allow Sara to give up when she had three miscarriages. My stubborness made me push my own children in the directions they needed to go. My stubborn streak looks at things that don’t work and makes me think I am just one tiny step away from success!
It is my stubbornness that refuses to allow me to just throw in the towel. When I can’t do some exercise at the Y, I hide in the bathroom for awhile or walk the track to clear my head and try again. If I am too sore, I try again tomorrow or the next day. I get mad about why I can’t but I refuse to accept that I can’t. I hate that word… can’t. Although when Dr. Jack asks me to try something, it is my gut reaction, “I can’t,” a phrase born of mostly fear. But that stubborn streak, it eventually gives way to, “I will try.”
Eventually I get to a place where it is okay, like the whole exercise thing, or eating great. After all, I do have so many benefits to what I am doing, just waiting on one will not phase me. You see, I want it all. And it doesn’t matter how long it takes to get there, somehow and some way, I am getting it all. Too stubborn not to shoot for that. I want my life to reach its high point of health. I want to be able to do things I never dreamed I could do! I want it to be the very best it can be. And I am unwilling to just settle for this “as good as it gets” attitude. I don’t think so…..
After all, other people have their best, and why shouldn’t I want the same? Aren’t I entitled to it? Why do I have settle for good enough? Didn’t I pay dues for the best? Didn’t you? Yeah, way tooooo stubborn to drop the ball here….. Is it easy to keep that attitude going? Ummm…. no… but luckily for me, I have surrounded my inner circle of people who would hate to admit, that they are just as stubborn as me! They won’t give up on me, and I won’t either!
Take your worst quality…. turn it around and use it to achieve your best!
Hugs,
Chris