Soooooo….. Dr. Jack and I tried something this week… autopilot…well from Tuesday to today….
It started Tuesday. We were talking about my food journal. My food journal really is an interesting thing, I am proud of it, a work of art! I have kept meticulous records of everything I eat. And I have kept a journal of how my days impacted my food. It was to the letter of the law. Added in a snack? Wrote it down. Forgot something? Go back, fill it in.
I finally loosened up about the exact amounts. You know, like counting lettuce, or one day I lived large and estimated what a fourth cup of blueberries looks like. Lol…. No I am not kidding.
But, we were talking about it and he suggested that I not write it down for a week and see how it goes. After all, do you think Dr. Jack has time to write down everything he eats? I know a lot of people have told me that they can’t believe I still keep it, but it is a great habit, one that forces you so see what you eat in a day, but it is something that I obsessed over, too.
Our conversation, as are all? Eye opening. “You know Chris, I read your pages and it’s like you are trying to …..well, what’s the word?” Me: “Be perfect?” Yes… that was the word. He is so kind to me… but the truth is, that a lot of what I do impacts my health. And I am grateful he is brave to just tell me. We have a nice conversation about how life is to be enjoyed. It’s okay to be human was the the theme. But in the back of my head? My little demons, like misbehaving children were screaming, “No! That’s for him to enjoy! You have weight to lose! You cant do that! As soon as you do, you will mess up!” I tried to hush them and listen. Yes, sometimes, I am stressed running home to complete my pages each day, and tired. Maybe that too, has added stress.
So how did the week of no journal go? Ummmm. I cheated…. not on the food, on the idea… for two days, I kept writing what I ate on a post it and kept in my pocket, being sneaky to throw it out at the end of the day, like what? He was going to know? Lol…. I was going to be caught or something… lol…. and then for two days, I mentally memorized it all day like one of those games you play with a kid to help memory. Remember on Sesame Street when they did those going to the store games? I had two eggs. Later, I had two eggs and some red pepper slices. Later, I had two eggs, some red pepper slices and some chicken, I had two eggs, some red pepper slices, chicken and a small salad with olive oil. I have had two eggs, some red pepper….. it went on all day!
Then finally, I just gave in. Okay…… breathe!
Dont judge me….. I have big problems. Lol……
This morning, I got up, went to grab my iPad and my book, to take pictures because it’s Sunday and that’s what we do on Sunday! and then I thought…. oh yeah, there are no pages. I must admit it threw my Sunday off a bit with confusion. I feel like I messed up. Lol….
I must admit that later in the week, it took away that page flipping thing I do to be sure I have not consumed too many sugary vegetables, or too much fruit, or too much of the same food. It also let me be a bit more spontaneous.
How do I feel about it? Ehhhhhh…… not sure yet, I am a creature of habits and this one is like my security blanket. Hard to put down. Not ready to give it up….
Do I recommend it? Not sure yet…. I will get back to you. In the meantime, today, I had two eggs, some mushrooms, made into an omlet, a salad, with cucumbers, lettuce, radishes, peppers, olive oil and chopped veggies from the fridge….. and lots of water, oh no, how much?! Lol….. Dr. Jack? I may be too far gone for spontaneous. Lol…